Tuesday, March 24, 2009

#12: Ted Wood - Star Rookie

What makes Ted Wood different from Ed Wood? Quite a lot, actually.

Ted Wood is not considered the worst director of all time.

Ted Wood did not direct the cross-dressing exploitation film Glen or Glenda, he is only a cross-dresser.

Ted Wood played for the San Francisco Giants and the Montreal Expos. Ed Wood only made it as far as triple-A in the Dodgers organization.

Monday, March 2, 2009

#11: Donald Harris - Star Rookie

This card includes at least three examples of trick photography. First of all, Donald is actually using a 12-inch souvenir bat. American League bylaws state that the hitter may not use use "any stupid-looking two-tone bat" and have particular disdain for "anything purchased at the Fun Zone, located on the concourse outside section 208." Harris is fooling the naked eye by holding his tiny bat closer to the camera than the rest of the foreground, kind of like the way hobbits were filmed in the presence of regular-sized character in The Lord of the Rings.

Donald's left pants leg is masquerading as a stirrup. His specially designed pants fulfill a promise Donald made to his dying grandfather, that if he ever made the big leagues, he would wear his pants high. As the trend started to go out of style in the 1990s, Harris found it necessary to appear to be wearing his cuffs low in order to gain the acceptance of his dugout peers, Steve Buechele in particular. In reality, Donald's uniform lacks stirrups of any kind, and his pants actually extend to the beginning of the toe area on each foot.

Upper Deck had the good grace to airbrush out the "Team Sundial" placard the Rangers vets hung around his neck. For long stretches of time throughout the season, Harris was made to kneel in the same position for hours on end so the team could tell time based on the position of the sun. Judging from the shadow lengths and angles, it looks like this picture was taken at around 2:30 PM.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

#10: Rob Maurer - Star Rookie

Go to Wikipedia and type in "Rob Maurer." Go ahead, I'll give you a second.

Okay, so it suggests "ron master." Don't know who that is, but fine, I'll look. I'm guessing he was a local news anchor in Tulsa, or Boise, or some place like that. Just sounds like one of those names.

So I bite. Not only is there no "ron master," now it's suggesting "ron oester." At least it came around full circle to another baseball guy.

I had a whole Rob Maurer/Rob Morrow dual identity thing planned for this post, but it was going to be two scoops of awful. Perhaps one of the 690 cards left will give me a chance to work in a Marilyn from Northern Exposure reference. Too bad there weren't any really heavy, deadpan, Alaskan Indian women on any of the 1991 40-man rosters.